This Is Why Poor People's Decisions Do NOT Make Perfect Sense

By now, many of you may have read or at least seen excerpts from Linda Tirado's HuffPost blog post titled, "This Is Why Poor People's Bad Decisions Make Perfect Sense". I read it a couple of weeks ago and have been stewing on it every since.

Linda is a very articulate, well spoken woman. However... I am angry with her well written blog post for perpetuating the theory that poverty begets poverty. Jesus, does that attitude feel like nails on a chalkboard to me!

I, like Linda, can speak to being poor and intelligent because I have been as poor as any first world child can be. And it is generational in my family. My mother lived in a "home" with no plumbing, no true insulation, no refrigeration... where river rats crawled on her in her sleep.

The poverty continued on for me. I remember the excitement for the beginning of the month when food stamps came and I knew we would have food in the fridge again for a couple of weeks. The excitement when a kind stranger came to the door on Christmas Eve with a cardboard box of a few gifts for my brother and myself as that would be the only gifts we would get for Christmas. I remember washing the outside of a man's trailer in the trailer park we lived in so that I could get a fresh $20 bill at 9-years-old and go buy myself a brand new back to school outfit and feel like the "other" kids at school... if only for one day... in clothes that were new and actually fit me.

That abject, degrading poverty is where my similarities with Linda ends.

Unlike Linda, I made a cognisant choice to change my path. Just like washing that man's trailer... I knew that if I worked hard and avoided the stereotypical trappings of poverty... I could get out.

First off... Linda (as intelligent as she is) excuses her unplanned children:

"Poverty is bleak and cuts off your long-term brain. It's why you see people with four different baby daddies instead of one. You grab a bit of connection wherever you can to survive. You have no idea how strong the pull to feel worthwhile is. It's more basic than food. You go to these people who make you feel lovely for an hour that one time, and that's all you get. You're probably not compatible with them for anything long-term, but right this minute they can make you feel powerful and valuable. It does not matter what will happen in a month. Whatever happens in a month is probably going to be just about as indifferent as whatever happened today or last week. None of it matters. We don't plan long-term because if we do we'll just get our hearts broken. It's best not to hope. You just take what you can get as you spot it."

Do you think I didn't seek men to fulfill the hole in my heart left by my own absentee father? Of course I did... but I also knew that condoms are an amazing (and very effective way) to prevent unwanted births. As are birth control pills. And how did a poor girl raised in rural Maine possibly afford birth control? I got off my ass and started working at the age of 14. By the age of 17 I actually worked 2 jobs while going to high school and graduating at the top 10% of my class.

Linda also smokes... which I have never done. First off, Linda, you are selfish... every $7 you spend on a pack is $7 of healthy food you are stealing from your poor children. She whines, "I smoke. It's expensive. It's also the best option. You see, I am always, always exhausted. It's a stimulant." I might excuse that ridiculous option if it were not for your children you are stealing from... as well as chancing taking their mother from as she dies of self-induced lung cancer.

Linda is raising children with the most self-defeatist attitude I can even imagine: "I make a lot of poor financial decisions. None of them matter, in the long term. I will never not be poor..."

Bullshit, Linda. You know what... I had every excuse of a shitty childhood of poverty and abuse that I could have started popping out babies with multiple baby daddies at age 15. Living on welfare. Sitting on my ass watching Jerry Springer while smoking my stimulating cigarettes.

But, I CHOSE not to be financially poor (or poor in any other manner, for that matter). I CHOSE a father for my 3 children who would be an amazing provider and daddy. (Even though our first child was unplanned... I knew that I was with a man who was a good man, a good person and this, in turn, reflects in him being a great father. All of these women who want to degrade the father of your babies, what does that say for you in laying down with these less-than-stellar men???)

I was a poor person whose good decisions make perfect sense. And how dare you, Linda, give other poor people a reason to stay helpless. How dare you give them excuses to raise their children in generational hopelessness and poverty.

I am here to tell them that you can make good choices... great choices. You can choose to work hard and pull yourself out. You can choose provide an amazing life and sense of hope for your own children.

Shame on you, Linda.

Booooo GoldieBlox

I have been sitting back quietly biting my tongue since I watched the GoldieBlox Kickstarter campaign last year. I was slightly annoyed by their marketing, but not enough to really even comment on the issue.

And then the new video came out and went viral (which happened to have a sound track parody from one of my all-time fave bands, the Beastie Boys)



and my friends were posting the video on Facebook with such comments as "I have never believed in "girls toys" and "boys toys." Girls need to have fun "thinking" toys too, and they don't need to be pink : )"

Weird. Because, not only is this product clearly marketed as a "girl" toy... it freakin' pink!

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Great brainwashing, GoldieBlox. You know what? My girls like pink (as much as their father and I have tried to discourage that), but they also enjoy primary colored match box cars, wood blocks... Legos upon Legos:

Oh... and they do have the pink set of Legos mixed in there. (Oh, shit, how did that baby doll and pink crib sneak into my house? How dare my daughters aspire to be nurturing mommies and play with god forsaken pink baby dolls!)

And, also, there are already oodles of fantastic engineering toys out there for little girls:

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However... I was willing to overlook all of this crap and keep my mouth shut about GoldieBlox questionable marketing... UNTIL they turned into litigious thieves.

When I heard the Beastie Boys song on the video... I had to assumed they had paid for the rights to it... right??? I mean, who in this world does not understand the concept of copyright? 

Nope.

The used the song WITHOUT permission. And, to add insult to injury, when MCA passed away last year, he specifically forbade his music from being used in this manner. The will reads (in part): 

"in no event may my image or name or any music or any artistic property created by me be used for advertising purposes,"

Oh, wait... it gets better. The Beastie Boys did not even sue this company yet... but GoldieBlox SUED them! Bizarro, right?

And now I know I will never buy anything from this company. Shame on you for disrespecting this mans wishes. Shame on you for pretending to "empower" girls by stealing and misusing another's property.

Shame on you.

6 More Handmade Christmas Gifts Projects for Cheap

Each year I decide what I want to buy and what I want to craft myself. My decisions are largely based on time and money. And, of course, as the girls get older I have to pair that with the endless Christmas lists they come up with.

A couple of years ago, I went mostly handmade... but by someone else's hand... via Etsy. I came up with a great handful of gifts that were under $10... and the girls ended up really liking them.

The year before that, I made a large portion of the girls gifts by hand.

This year, I am all about making many gifts myself. I have spent hours scouring the internet for projects that are inexpensive, within my ability and, most importantly, that the girls will like. So, without further ado, here are some of my handmade gift ideas for the year:

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I have already bought some great colorful socks to upcycle to fingerless gloves (or arm warmers... leg warmers... whatever.) My favorite tutorial can be found here.

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I will making a ton of hair accessories for Christmas as all 3 girls are into wearing them right now... and, of course, we lose them by the dozen. I love this super simple (and super inexpensive way to make bows. I have a bunch of felt on hand in many colors, so this will be easy.

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I will need a way to store all these accessories that I plan on making... and I really like this frame idea. I can get an inexpensive frame from Goodwill and probably utilize my scarp fabric. I bet I can do the project for under $5.

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I am going to make Acadia a Music and Movement box. I had made Annika one... filled with small musical instruments, movement toys... and she loved it. And you can get away with it for really cheap.

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I am going to make one of these for each of the girls. They love having photos of themselves and friends and family and I feel like this will be a fun way to display their photos.

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As with hair accessories, the girls are now enamored with any costume jewelry. I think these bracelets would be perfect. I can make a wide variety with the scraps of fabric in my stash.

Have you come across any other ideas for your Christmas list? I would love to add some more projects to mine.

I beg... to honor my father.

It is not often that I beg... but for this cause, I will.

You may remember that two summers ago my father passed away. He had been suffering from lung cancer, which happens to be the top cancer killer in the US (regardless of gender or ethnicity). Lung cancer kills almost twice as many women as breast cancer, and more than twice as many men as prostate cancer... and I know from first hand experience that it is a painful, horrible death.

November 2th, I am walking for the Lungevity Foundation whose mission is to have a meaningful and immediate impact on improving lung cancer survival rates, ensure a higher quality of life for lung cancer patients, and provide a community for those impacted by lung cancer. In order to accomplish their mission, LUNGevity funds the most promising research into the early detection and successful treatment of lung cancer. You can support me in one of three ways.

Simply donate on my event page. (Click the yellow 'Donate' button under my fathers photo.)

"Hope is not a dream but a way of making dreams become reality."

What I hope is that all of my friends, family, blog readers and subscribers will help me honor my father and donate even $1 to this great cause. I know that times are tough. I have over 700 blog readers and subscribers, and if they could all donate $1, I would reach my $1000 goal.

Thank you very much for any help you may provide... karma is smiling at you.

New England autumn in list form.

We are in the midst of a cool New England autumn. And I am late on my typical autumn blog post round-up. I know, I know... you have been waiting at the edge of your seat... without further ado:

• Here is a checklist to prepare your New England home for the fall/winter.

• I am sure you have already had your pumpkin fill- but here are some great recipes. (The pumpkin cream cheese- to die for!)

• Wait... 15 more pumpkin recipes? Don't mind if I do.

• While we are at it, how about some great fall harvest recipes?

• Check out some of my favorite fall fashions: sweaters, chunky tights, cords... cozy comfy clothes.

• And cool weather means one big things to me: SOUP!!!!

• A totally doable fall bucket list.

• If you have not roasted your pumpkin seeds yet You NEED to check out these amazing recipes. Seriously... pumpkin pie/maple pumpkin seeds??? Yummo!!!

And there is my autumn... in list form.

5 Secrets To A Successful Marriage

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I know, I know... ironic post for me to write at this point in my life. But I feel like I have learned a lot over the course of my marriage and I can be more honest about it than those actively stuck in a loveless, stagnant marriage.

#1 (And most important to me) You can not be selfish. It's simple. Stop and think about it... if 5 o'clock rolls around and one spouse is saying, "Oh, let me make dinner, you had a long day at work." And the other counters, "No, no, let me... you have had a trying day with the children." If these were the type of disagreements that happened in your household... how could you possibly go wrong? AND, what type of life lessons would you be illustrating to your children? There is simply too much "ME ME ME" in the world today and it has lead to stressed friendships, lack of empathy for community and neighbors and strained relationships.

#2 Affection. We all want to feel loved. You need to hold hands, kiss, run your hands through their hair, rub their shoulders as you watch that movie... If there is no affection, you are simply roommates. And this means sex as well. A healthy sex life between a committed couple is so very important. You need to make time, and each make the other feel wanted.

#3 You each need to be dynamic people. You can not simply rely on the other for your complete happiness. You need other interests, hobbies... moments away from eachother. Getting out and having interests in life will give you something to talk about, ways to challenge eachother and cause you each to rise in life rather than being stagnant, sitting on a couch in front of a television every night. You need to have your own time, your own fun... to be your own person.

#4 Date. Date. Date. Along the lines of not becoming a stagnant person, you also simply can not become a stagnant couple. It will never work! Go on dates. Whether it is once a week... once a month- just do it! And they do not need to be expensive or time consuming. It can be simple. A walk along the river, meet for coffee, have a picnic in your backyard. Make time for your relationship just like you make time for your kids, your job, a freaking oil change for your car. No excuses.

#5 Don't sweat the small stuff. I think this is a hard one. I am the very first one to get annoyed at the littlest thing: "Arggg, he did not take the trash out AGAIN!" But, really... really? In the grand scheme, who the hell cares? Pick the damn trash up and take it out yourself. How hard is that?

On the flip side though, communicate these small quirks at a non-combative time (as in, don't attack him over the trash can and start a battle.) But, on a quiet evening when things are going swimmingly, broach the topic: "You know it drives me batty when you walk out the door every single morning and past the trash can and never bring the trash out. It would complete my life if you would just take the trash when you go." Maybe he will listen, maybe he won't. If not, look at it in the grand scheme... is it worth raising your blood pressure or could you use it as an excuse to take a step outside and feel the sunshine on your face for a few moments?


These are my ideas... do you have any to add?

Go visit Mama Kat to read more Writers Workshop entries.

Green Tomato... BREAD???

We had a very abundant tomato crop this year from my one lonely plant. Two issues: they have stayed inexplicably green for weeks now.... and even if the ripened, all four of us despise tomatoes! I just grow them for sauce and salsa.

Sooo, with an armful of green tomatoes, I set out on Facebook to get a great recipe for them. I got a lot of great responses (and no shortage of Fried Green Tomato jokes), but, as to be expected, the winner idea was from my farmer friend. He suggested a bread (akin to zucchini bread) where there girls would basically not even know the tomatoes were there.

And i worked.

I grated 2 cups of the tomatoes and used a recipe I found on Allrecipes. (Be sure to squeeze out a majority of the juice, they are pretty darn juicy), added a few mini chocolate chips, and the girls devoured an entire mini loaf in one sitting.

It wasn't until Annika caught me snapping the photo of the bread that she put two and two together, "HEY! Did you put those tomatoes in this bread???" Mwahahah... why yes! But that did not stop them from eating another entire loaf after dinner for dessert.

It was moist, yummy and a great use of my garden bounty.

A few other recipes for your green tomatoes:

Relish
Green and Red Tomato Corn Soup
Green Tomato and Peach Salsa
Salsa
Caprese (I LOVE a good caprese!)
Easy Jam
and, yes, Fried Green Tomatoes