Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Censorship


You know what sucks? Censoring myself on my own blog. I have been at this for 2 years and now more and more people read it. It started with my mom... and then my in-laws... and now with Facebook more of my family. If you Google Michele Horne, you get my Twitter account first, my Amazon account next (what??) and my blog third. Although it is a tiny bit cool to be the top three results for my name- I can't hide anything. Not that I am some foul-mouthed, trash talking Momma, but I'd love to speak my mind freely. And who speaks their mind freely in a room with their mom, in-laws, coworkers, local parents, kids and who the hell ever else cares to look on? In all honesty, we express ourselves on different levels depending on our audience. I clearly wouldn't walk into the PTA meeting and start spewing profanity or lurid sex tales.

During our pumpkin carving party we had a few parents hanging out. Something was said and Colby said "Yeah, Michele talked about it on her blog." "Noooo..." I said all in slow motion... in my own head. This was the last frontier. I had never revealed my blog to any other parents, and now I was outed. I have made some snarky remarks on here about some less-than-stellar parents that I interact with because, well, shitty parents should be called out. But I didn't necessarily want them to know I said it. Thankfully, the parents he outed me to were never a victim of my writings or that might be a leetle beet uncomfortable.

So, now I am torn. Pretty much every person I encounter has access to this blog. Should I stay honest, true to my own thoughts? Should I censor like I would in any real life situation? I am torn. I really want this to be me, a reflection of me, a piece of me... not a shaded, altered, edited version of me.

What to do...
at 8:20 PM
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13 comments:

  1. Maybe try out an anonymous blog somewhere and see how it feels. Everyone needs a place to vent, and I agree that it's not as "cathartic" when you have to monitor your language and your topics. Not every thought should be broadcast publicly. :)
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  2. You be who you are, because that is why the people that read your blog, read it. Anything you say on here that would be about a bad parent, well maybe it is their reality check. Be who you are.
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  3. My friends and family and coworkers all know about my blog, but now that the initial curiosity has died down, only the real supporters still bother to read (and thank God for them!).

    I try very hard not to censor--to not even think about who might be reading when I write. That said, most of what I reveal is about myself and my family. If I'm going to talk about a problem I have with someone else--unless it's a complete stranger at, say, the grocery store--I do my best to confront that person in real life first. It doesn't always happen, but it's a goal.

    I hope you continue to stay true to yourself in your writings. Good luck in making a decision you feel comfortable with.
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  4. The only thing I try not to do is sh*t talk family members (or specific co-workers since I am sure I could get fired for that)and if I am venting about a friend or random person I try to make it vague enough that I can be happy I got it out without calling a specific person out.

    It is hard because I want to be able to say what I want, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to read about some bone head thing I had done or said (which happens a lot) on a family :o)
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  5. I feel the same way sometimes. For me its not the trash talk I censor but some of the deeper darker stuff I am dealing with. One time I posted about some personal rough stuff I was dealing with and my mother freaked out. I told her she isn't allowed to call me about anything I write anymore - but still I just watch what I say.

    I tend not to "talk" about other people on my blog either. Its not so much that I don't want them to find out, but that I don't want to look back at this one day with my boys and be reading about how I was pissed at this person or that person.

    And I really don't write any specifics about work or how I feel about it - that's just not professional and I do know that people will find your blog whether you want them to or not, and it DOES affect future employment or the way people treat you at a current job (saw this first hand w/someone I used to work with - he blogged about work and no one told him that everyone he worked with read it....it did not help him at all!!)

    All that said....I do think you should (as Deb said) stay true to yourself - it can be hard....but it is your blog...
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  6. I find that balance hard, too! I know my MIL reads regularly and other family, too.
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  7. I refuse to tell my family I have a blog they don't know about. The last blog I had no longer exists because of it.

    That said, I skip around the internets not using my real name on any profiles. If you google MY name you come up with my father's obituary, my facebook page (which doesn't mention any twitter or blog accounts) and possibly some articles from my past life in indie music podcasting. (And maybe a game review or 2.)

    I need my place to vent, to talk about real stuff like sex or I don't know whatever I want- but still know my mother isn't reading it and if my neighbor is, she probably doesn't realize it's me.

    I hope.
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  8. My in-laws have discovered my blog and Facebook page, and I would really like to be able to talk about theirs and my family's craziness!
    I do kind of wish I had kept it mum. I think the crazy parent stories are often the funniest and I wish I could tell them freely without hurting feelings.
    If you have thicker skin than I do (and you probably do!) just write what you want. Calling people out on weird or bad behavior is just doing them a favor...right?
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  9. I agree. There is so much that I would say if I didn't know that my family/friends/coworkers read my blog. Yikes! It is a very difficult position to be in.
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  10. well, I get a lot of slack for what I write. Of course I'm not such a big mouth in real life. But my blog is my place to dump things from my brain.
    I get slack from my family, from my friends, from strangers on the internet.
    It's hard to deal with sometimes, but it's nice to cause a stir other times.

    I wish that my readers were people who I didn't know in real life so I could REALLY say how I feel about specific people. But I don't. I save that for my husband or for my girlfriends over coffee or drinks.

    I say be you.
    If they don't like it, they can stop reading. The one thing I learned through blogging is the people who don't like you? They are the people who you don't like either.
    Someone doesn't let their kid hang with your kid due to something you said? Trust me when I tell you that they do things in their house you don't want your kid exposed to.
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  11. Poking around a bit on your blog... :) UGH, I know how you feel! I feel the need to censor, big time. Between my student's parents, my parents, coworkers, etc....I just feel the need to be careful about what I say. For that reason, I went private for my adoption blog.
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  12. nice post. thanks.
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  13. You must stay true to yourself! If you are honest and speak your mind in this space, people will know where you stand when on the outside of these four corners.

    I try to be authentic on my own blog (although I do tend to stay on the positive side of things.) <3
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